So Long, Farewell 2012

2012...what a glorious and beautiful year. I am a little sad to see it end! I do believe it has been the best year of my life so far, yet I know the years to come will be just as grand! Each month contained something wonderful. Some moments were huge and others were small, but just as important. Oh, the book I could write about this life changing year,  but the one whom I would want to read it the most already knew how the story would go. I think the best thing I leave 2012 with is my growing relationship with God.  I  know it will be reason why 2013 will be just as sweet.

Plans...oh how I love a great plan! I thrive on it actually. I am constantly making plans and most of the time I carry them out. The funny thing is that God has His own plan for me that He doesn't always clue me in on until it happens. My big plan for 2012 was to be half my size or a least almost half my size. I was almost there...40 lbs left to go and God decided it was time for me to conquer another life changing event at the same time.

Now that this Chix has a little peanut in her tummy, my focus will change a bit but will not be forgotten. For now the goal to be half my size is on hold. My job right now is grow a healthy baby. What does this mean? Really all it means is that I wont be loosing weight for a little while. In fact, the reality is that I will be gaining weight. This is something I have had to come to understand in the last 3 months. I will still continue to eat healthy and as normal as before, with the exception of a few extra calories, which right now seems to be used in the dairy aisle. With permission from my doctors, I will continue to exercise with the Chix but will modify my routine just a bit. Thankfully, I have 2 trainers to keep tabs on me so I only gain what is needed to make a healthy baby. It is my hope and belief that I will return back to this goal of being half my size in the same place that I left it.  Till we meet again, I thank you for all of your support this year and for sharing in my journey. I wish you all the best in 2013!



How Great is Our God!

There was a point in my life that I did not have a good relationship with God. I was very angry with Him, disliked Him, almost hated Him and yes I know hate is a very strong word. But at that time in my life that’s how I felt. I was frustrated with the decisions He had set for my life during that time. I disagreed with how my life was going and was mad at Him for not giving me what I thought I deserved.  I felt I played all the right cards, followed the rules and therefore what I believe should come next in my life should rightly be given to me. That was not the case and I lived many years angry at Him for it and even more upset with Him when He gave others what I felt I deserved as well.

Finally, one day, not long ago, I decided it was time to have a talk with God. I asked Him to forgive me for the way I was acting and told Him that I now understood that He had a plan for me and no matter if it was how I felt it should be, it was the best way because He loved me. From that day on, I lived in peace with the way my life was going.

This year has been a true example of how life can be so beautiful when you realize God is in charge. This year has been a big learning experience for me. I have learned so many things about myself and learned to open up to and love the God who has always loved me. Because of that I have been blessed beyond measure. Without the love He shows me everyday I would have never achieved all the things that this year has brought. Many many times this year I was remind of what is possible with God. Every time I stepped on the scale, every time I ran a race and every time I felt I could no longer do this journey. He was there.

One very early Friday morning, I was driving to work down Route 130. It was still dark and in the corner of my eye I saw a shooting star.  Out loud, I said " Star Light, Star Bright, the first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight. Dear God, please bless us with a family when you see fit.

I knew He was listening because He was always listening, but I guess I didn't realize that maybe that early morning it was just He and I in that moment.

A few months ago I witnessed a miracle. A miracle that I NEVER thought would come and waited 13 years for. God had answered my prayer that day. He decided it was time for me to be a mother. All lives given by God are a blessing but this was truly a miracle. A body unable to have a child was suddenly blessed with a little life after so many years.  A testament that ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD!

 

It's been awhile...I've been running

It's been such a long time time since I've shared with all of you. What a crazy 5 months it has been! So many thing have happened! Summer flew by, fall is gone and the end of the year is quickly approaching. My journey is still underway and I am continually achieving great strides and learning new things about myself along the way.

When we last left each other I had just celebrated my Chix Anniversary and was dealing with the struggles of what seemed like an endless plateau. To change things up a bit and to take my mind off the scale, I began training for a Mini Triathlon. In this event I would swim 400 yards, bike 6 miles and run 2 miles all in the same day! For the next month, I worked out two times a day. I would complete my normal Chix workout and then alternate my time between swimming, biking and running. I was introducing my body to something new, and reminding it that I was in charge. During this training I began to have an appreciation for what the Olympic athletes did everyday for the last 4 years of their lives. Each of these sports has their own uniqueness but I found swimming to be the most challenging. yet provided a workout that I had not experience before. It worked every muscle, pushed my cardiovascular levels to their limit and was just exhausting.  But I learned to love it! Then when you combined all three events it was a whole other experience. August 4th was the day I put my short training to the test. I knew I was prepared in each individual category and now was the time to put them all together. My goal was to finish in 90 minutes and to do the best I could.



It was a beautiful day for a race. I arrived early to set up all my equipment so my transition from swimming to biking would be as quick as possible. I was given the number 280, so my swim didn't began til an hour after the first shot gun. The swimming went off better than expected. I had these visions of hundreds of people swimming in a lazy river like a bunch of salmon swimming upstream. That wasn't the case and I finished the swim in good time. My transition from swim to bike however didn't go as smoothly. It seemed like I was in the corral for 20 min or more, even though I think it was only 7 minutes. I needed to make up some time during the biking portion to stay on schedule for my goal. The bike was the easiest part of this whole thing. Three laps around for a total of 6 miles. I pedaled as fast as these thighs would allow to get the job done. One more thing to do, run 2 miles, that would be easy right? I have run 13.1, 2 miles is a cake walk!  Well yes, but not after riding a bike for an extended amount of time. I arrived at the transitioning corral and hopped off my bike with every intention of running my bike to its spot and taking off. My legs were like jello! I felt just like Gumby. No matter how much my brain told my body to run, my legs were not able to comply. My run for the first mile was slow and it took that long for my legs to recover properly and start doing what they should. I crossed the finish line in 1 hour 2 mins. Killing the goal I had set for myself. It was a great feeling and accomplishment to add to my exercise resume. I will definitely do one again!

The process of training for the mini tri helped me break my plateau and I started losing weight once again in the slow and steady pace that my body was accustomed to. I was happy to see that scale start moving once again. Well if you have learned anything about me from following this blog, you have learned that I do my best when I am busy. The more things I have on my plate, the better and I have found that several mini projects and goals help me get to big goals. So whats next? 

Another race of course but this one would be an experience of a lifetime and could only happen in the happiest place on earth! Disney World!! If you know me, I LOVE Disney World and everything associated with it. It would only be natural that I would want to run a race there. So I gathered up some of my favorite people and the planning and training began. On September 29th we were scheduled to run The Hollywood Tower of Terror 10 miler race at Disney's Hollywood Studios. The training for this race was similar to my training for the half marathon expect I only had to run 10 miles and I had done the training before so I knew what to expect. I continued to run as well as doing boot camp on opposite days. Then on September 13th the work I had been doing for the last 2 1/2 years paid off in a big way. I had lost 100 lbs! There were times I thought I would never see that number show up on that scale. When it did, it was worth the wait and the best feeling ever. :) What made it even sweeter is that I was only 50 lbs from the overall goal of being half my size. Easy! Faith and wonderful support had gotten me this far, nothing would stop me now.

At this point there was a little over two weeks left until the Disney race. It is custom that race participates dress up in costume for Disney races. Though it is not required it is what makes racing at Disney so much fun. There were 5 of us going to this race so we decided to dress up as princesses because all Chix are princesses in their own way everyday. Each of us picked a princess that I would say fit our character in some way or another. Tish was Tinker Bell, she looks just like her! Rebekah choose Jasmine because who else could pull off that outfit, plus she does have some resemblance. Danielle dressed as Snow White and a good one she was! Jackie was the ever famous Ariel, the Little Mermaid. Why? The red hair of course! Finally, I was to be Cinderella. Fitting since that's basically what this year has been for me, one great big fairytale. My mother, ultimately named "Fairy Godmother", joined us to keep us in line and be our awesome costume designer.

The race did not began till 10 pm so this race was a little different experience and preparation than any other race we had done. Instead of getting up at the crack of dawn to be at the start line, we slept in and then spent most of our day relaxing pool side. My plan was to take a nap in the late afternoon, but that didn't happen. Then we began the task of getting ready for the race. I think that was the best part! Fairy Godmother did a great job on our costumes and I think we looked pretty authentic. Tish was actually approached for autographs because she looked so much like Tink:)

After many pictures and getting used to our new identities, we headed over to race headquarters. This is where we waited in our corrals and walked to the race start line to begin our journey. I had never seen so many people at one race in my life....it was crazy. Especially since most of them were in costume. It was like one big Halloween racing party. There were 4 corrals and your placement in them was based on when you would finish the race. Tink, Jasmine and Snow White(Tish, Rebekah and Danielle) were all in Corral A because they are speedy. Ariel(Jackie) joined me in Corral D so we could race together. At 10 pm, Corral A walked their way to the start line and were sent off by fireworks. 20 minutes later Jackie and I had our chance. Off we went, slow and steady as normal but then a things began to arise that we had not trained for. It was after 10 in the evening but it was still 90 degrees with a lovely humidity in the air of about 75%. Basically it was HOT! My skin could not breathe. This added a challenge that I had not planned for and it made the run not so fun. Unfortunately, I complained a lot and would have loved for Mickey to pick me up and drive me to the finish line.  Thankfully, Ariel was a good princess and put up with my complaining and didn't let me quit. We finished the race and not in a time we would have liked, but we finished, and that's all that mattered. As Tish said, you can train for the race and the day of it, you either have it or you don't. Well this race I just didn't have it, but that was ok. It was still a blast and one of the best weekends of my life. A lot of memories were made that weekend and I wouldn't trade it for the world! One of the highlights for me is that Tink, Snow White and Jasmine had their picture captured by Disney which ended up making the RUN Disney website and the whole group had our picture used as advertisement for the company that made our racing skirts. Closest thing to celebrity status I will ever achieve and I just loved it!

So many achievements and memories were made these past 5 months and these were only the highlights. It blows my mind how awesome this year has been and yet it still isn't over. Who knows what can be achieved in the next 27 days. Anything when God is involved I would say!







It's my Chixiversary!

Today marks my 2nd anniversary with Chix in Training! I am a bit of a sentimental nut, so yes, this is a big deal to me and I proudly celebrate it just like other important moments in my life. It's hard to believe that two years have come and gone. It amazes me what I have become since I was that girl in lime green laying with her feet in the air. It was my hope and belief that on this day I would also hit another major weight loss milestone. I had a goal to be at a 100 lbs lost by this day, but that hasn't happened. In fact, I have been in a weight loss plateau for almost three months. I have been losing and gaining the same 4 lbs.  This is very frustrating to me! It is testing every bit of faith and belief I have in myself and this process. Long ago, when I came to this point, I would become so frustrated that I would quit and slowly start to fall back into the deep dark hole that I had started to pull myself out of. I would be lying if I said these feelings of wanting to quit haven't arose, because they have. What makes it different this time, than every time before, is that I am mentally and spiritually stronger than I ever have been. So when the devil sits on my shoulder and tells me  "You have hit your limit, Jenn. This is as good as its gonna get!", God swoops in and whispers in my ear "I know the plans I have for you. Trust in me and you will succeed!"  I then continue on fighting for what I want. I go on believing that this will soon pass and the memory of this trying time will only be a blur.

Instead of celebrating this anniversary with 100 pounds lost, I am going to celebrate and be thankful for all the little things that I've achieved on this journey.  Little things that I tend to overlook and take for granted.  First, is all the exercises that I can do now, that two years ago seemed impossible. The one that stands out in my mind the most is a crab walk. Before I could barley lift my rear end off the ground and this week I thought to myself..."man this too easy". I am continually amazed at how I can push my body further and further, how well my heart recovers and how much I love the feeling of sore muscles!  I celebrate and am thankful for being comfortable in my own skin. I have started to repair the low self esteem that I carried with me most of my life. I am proud of what I have become and look forward to using it to help others who feel the same way as I once did.

Finally I celebrate all the love and friendships I have gained on this journey.  I think this is actually one of the better things I have received from this experience. Life just would not be as sweet without all of those wonderful people in it.

It has been an awesome 2 years full of challenges, triumphs and lots of laughter.  So many things have changed and will continue to change. I truly love Chix in Training. It's one of the best things to ever come into my life. Like at most birthdays and celebrations, I blow out the candle on my imaginary cake, making a wish that this time next year I will be celebrating being at goal for 6 months and starting a new time in my life where I put into practice what I know and help to change someone else's future. I look forward to year 3!

Sweet April

From his abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another. John 1:16

April, typically a month of a lot of rain, often when we rejoice the resurrection of Christ and in my family, a month when many birthdays are celebrated. Though this year the month of April became so much more for my life. I began the month on Palm Sunday, being baptized and recommitting to God and His teachings. I had been baptized as a baby but this time there would be a different meaning for me in my adult life. It symbolized washing away of the old me, saying so long to the life that wasn't working and introducing the person I am becoming. 

On this day, 7 members of our congregation made the commitment.  We all gathered in the back after the sermon to wait for our moment to begin. All of us joined in a prayer with Pastor Duane and then it was time. I chose to go first because I felt the longer I waited the more nervous I would become. I followed the stairs down into water and joined Pastor Duane.  As we stood there in the silence, I could hear my heart beating out of my chest. I was so nervous that I was shaking like a leaf. Then the curtains were opened and I saw the people that I loved in the audience ready to witness this important event.  Pastor Duane, on my left with his hand on my back, began to say a prayer. I closed my eyes and then could feel the presence of another hand on my right shoulder. Jesus had come to assist in the task.  Calmness overcame my body.  I took a deep breath and began to fall back. The water washed over me as I fell to the bottom and then in a split second I arose with the remains of my old self lying at the bottom of the pool. The new me had been born and the something that was missing in my life was found. This was the moment that the journey became MORE than just about me losing weight and changing what I was on the outside. It is now about loving the person I am and loving God, who created me, and trusting Him with my life and the plan He has for me. I began to understand that with God all things are possible.

April also marked 4 months of participation with Chix Nutrition program.  For 120 days I have been emailing my food journal daily, making sure I was working out at least 5 times a week and doing a variety of other nutritional tasks as decided by my trainers. The hard work was starting to pay off. In the last 4 months I had lost 15.8 pounds, and 6 1/4 inches over my whole body. My body fat had dropped 1.6% and my BMI was down 4 points.  I had also made significant improvements in my cardiovascular health. These were all great achievements and I was very proud. You may think to yourself, those numbers are not really that great but for me they are huge. I have been on the weightloss course for over 22 months as well as training for a half marathon for the last three months. In the past I never even came close to where am I at this moment. Though I have many days that I wish the weight loss was faster and the finished product was already here, it seems as if slow and steady wins the race for me.

The best of April's weight loss journey occured on April 5th. I hit 2 major goals in one day. One of the goals being only something I had envisioned in my mind for as long as I could remember. I stepped on the scale and for once in my life, I did not see a number 2 at the beginning or fear that a number 3 would show up. Instead I stepped on the scale and saw the oh so sweet number 198.8! I was speechless and in shock. In fact, I do believe I stepped on the scale of few times just to double check. That beautiful number also ment I had hit 90 total pounds lost. Tish and Rebekah were estatic and hoots and hollars were received from my fellow Chix.  It was an awesome feeling and funny to think how a number on a scale made me walk a little taller that day!

The last week of April had finally arrived and it was time to put into practice what I had been training for the last 13 weeks. I was a nervous wreck that week.  Everytime I had a quiet moment, I would think of the race and either my heart would beat out of control or my stomach would turn with butterflies. I tried to spend my week mentally preparing for what I was about to do on Saturday.  I spent a lot of time praying to God. Praying that He would keep all the Chix healthy and safe for the race. Asking Him to run with me to keep me strong in mind and body and even asking for silly things like for the rain we were predicted to get to hold off until after the race. The week seemed to drag on forever. Then Friday arrived and the festivities began. My friend Jen and I planned to spend this day enjoying the expo and then watching the 5k race that night all the while talking about the big day to come. We met up with Tish and Rebekah to pick up our race packets, take pictures to preserve the memories and have a good time.  It was so sureal to think that the next morning I would be running 13.1 miles. I even made sure I ate the exact thing that night for dinner that I had before my 11 mile run. That was a great run and I believed the food in my body was part of it so dinner at Kofusion was on the agenda that night as well.  The 5k was awesome and a great way to get us all pumped up for the next morning. I went home and prepared my stuff for the race, checking and double checking that everything was ready to go. Then at 11 oclock I forced myself to go to bed knowing that the early wake up call would be just around the corner. 

Promptly at 4 a.m. my alarm went off. April 28th was here. This was it! In 3 short hours before most of us are even out of bed in the morning, I would be running the fartherst I had ever ran.  I chose not to meet up with the Chix that morning in order to get up to the course in plenty of time and to not feel rushed.  The last thing I wanted to do was to be racing to the start line.  I had a routine that I did before I ran and wanted every second possible to be able to do this and reflect on what I had done to get me to this point. When we had arrived at the parking lot, my phone rang, and just who I needed to talk to was on the other end. It was Tish and Rebekah doing what they do best, clearing my head, pumping me up, and reminding me that I was ready to do this.

With my number pinned to my shirt, I headed to my spot at the start line,  corral H.  I hugged Mom and Amy and told them I would see them at the finish line.  I stood there is a sea of people, all of us with the same goal...Finish. I was nervous, excited and scared all at once. The National Anthem started to play and big tears ran down my face. The time was here and I was really going to do this. I said my prayer to God once again, asking Him to run with me, to keep me strong and to carry me when I could no longer carry myself. The gun went off and the corrals of racers started to run. It took about 20 min but then finally Corral H was up and I took off.  I had a plan. The plan I trained with for 13 weeks and had gone over and over with the girls and thats what I was going to do.  The first 3 miles went so fast. That's what adreneline and thousands of cheering spectaors will do for you.  By mile 5, I was in a groove and feeling pretty good.  I would have the occasional pain here and there but would ask God to take it away and that's what He did. He was there, just like I had asked. Running with me.

I had hit the 10k mark and couldn't believe how fast it was going. At mile 7, I was blessed to have people cheering for me on the sidelines. Reminding me I only had 6 to go and that I could do it!  Mile 8 the race course started to head into Meadow Brooks Park in Urbana. I trained on this stretch of the race but slight hills and dips the park had to offer started to mess with my head. I was getting tired, it was a little crowded and I was wishing I was at mile 11.

When I came around the corner of mile 9 in the park, I looked up and saw a man standing in the tall weeds of the prairie. He had on a neon orange hat and a camera glued to his face like he was the paparazzi. I grinned because I knew that man was my husband. He again appeared on the corner of mile 9.5, still snapping pictures. That image is what got me to mile 10 and 11. I was then starting to hit my limit. I was way beyond tired by this time. My muscles were screaming and I just wanted to be done. Finally, I saw the sign for

mile 12. One more mile and I would be at the enterance of the stadium. I was dragging and begging God to carry me. I couldnt do it anymore. Then I looked up and saw Aubrey, Tish's neice, my OB/GYN and now  the answer to my prayers. She was there, along with her friend to run with me and get me to the stadium. They continued to encourage me and remind me that I was almost done.  At mile 12.5 I decided that I should stop a moment and high knee up my legs, to stretch them out I guess. Huge mistake! I caused myself to have a charlie horse shoot up my left quad. The pain was excurutating. I began to cry, fearing my race was over.  The girls helped me to strecth it out and thankfully it went away quickly and on we went. I kept running and the whole time with Aubrey by my side, I asked God out loud to carry me. I just kept saying it over and over again. God please carry me! After what seemed like 30 minutes we were finally at the stadium. The girls told me this was it. All I had to do was go up the ramp and in the stadium I would be. This is where they left me, to finish the journey alone with God just the way I had started.  I ran up the ramp and took off my water belt, throwing it in the bushes, preparing to find the last bit of energy to sprint to the finish line. I entered the stadium, gave everything I had left and ran as fast as I could. I crossed the finish line at 2:58:47. One minute and tweleve seconds ahead of my goal. I did it. I had just ran 13.1 miles!

My Mom, Amy, and Jen were all there at the finish line to greet me. As well as Jackie, who I practically knocked down, jumping on her to give her a hug! After endless searching we finally found Tish, Rebekah and some of my fellow Chix. We were all together basking in the glory of our accomplishments and for what we had all worked so hard for. It was an awesome day! Possibly one the best days of my life. It was the best feeling to know that I had accomplished my goal but most of all that God was there with me the whole time, keeping me strong and able to finish. I had never felt so much love in my life as I did on that day. 



Sweet April! Pretty fitting of a title don't you think?  An amazing month filled with endless blessings. Blessings to help me continue on my journey and remind me how sweet it can be!

This Is It, Don't Get Scared Now!

I love this quote! Remember Home Alone? Kevin said it right before the bandits invaded his house while the rest of the family was away.  As for me, I use it because in one short week the Illinois Half Marathon will be here. Tomorrow's last long run will end my 13 weeks of training. It's been an amazing road and I feel absolutely ready and excited to run this race! I did not have the best attitude at the beginning of training. I doubted my abilities and made myself think that I could not do this.  After a short pep talk and a slap on the rear, I went and ran my first long run. It was 6 miles and though I had done that before, I finished, remembering that it wasn't bad and that I am fully capable of completing the miles.
 After that, I changed my mindset and took each week one run at a time. I actually started to enjoy the Saturday long runs with my Chix. I will miss them.  Each Saturday, I set out to run the longest miles I have ever ran. It was like breaking my own record each week. One would think that I would dread the obstacle but I didn't. It turned into a time to reflect on my week, enjoy the beauty of nature and a chance to have a one on one conversation with God.  Last Saturday, I completed 11 miles. It was the longest distance I had ever run and will be until the day of the race.  I had the strangest feeling during my run. I was completely at peace and fully aware that I would complete the miles.  I don't want to say it was easy but that was kind of how I felt.  It was like my body knew it was coming and was 100% ready for the challenge.  I even ran the last 4 miles in the rain and didn't seem to care.  I had a half of a mile left to complete when it started lightning. Tish and Rebekah rolled up in the car and instructed me to get in.  I looked at them like they were insane.  I wasn't quitting now.  I ran up the hill and finished the run just as the next bolt of lightning hit.  It was an awesome feeling and I left knowing this was exactly how I wanted to feel before, during and after the half marathon.

I cannot wait for next weekend!  I already have butterflies in my stomach and a tear in my eye when I start to think about it.  It will add to the list of big moments in my life.  It will be a weekend full of memories and triumphs, for not only me, but for some of the most important people to my heart.  I am eager to run across that finish line with my fellow Runner Chix waiting for me!

Come and show support to all the runners on Saturday, April 28th in Champaign-Urbana.  It is an incredible thing to watch and I know we would all love to hear you cheering us on!

I look forward to sharing with you my experience during the half marathon and the amazing things that have happened for me in the month of April. Until then....God speed!

Moving Right Along...a smooth ride with the occasional bumps!

It has been well over 6 weeks since I started my new journey with Chix Nutrition Fitness. It has been an interesting time with many new challenges and blessings to learn new information. The scale and I have never been close friends. It doesn't consistently tell me what I think it should say. The weight loss at the beginning of the 6 weeks was slow, loosing about a half a pound a week. I knew from the girl's feedback, that I was doing all the right things, so I would try to leave the scale with my head held high and know that I was so much further and better than I was 80 lbs. ago.  Two weeks ago I received a birthday blessing!  I stepped on the scale and lost 3.1 lbs. This is a huge number for me. I very rarely produce these kind of numbers, so as you can guess, I was thrilled. I left feeling happy, proud, and carrying a new nickname...206. The next week I lost an additional 1.6 lbs putting me at an all time low weight. I can not recall the last time I weighed 204.


Training for the half marathon is also under way. Training in this crazy Illinois weather has had its own challenges, as well as reminding my body what its like to be running again. The 2 month break I took in November and December was not the best move I have ever made. I had this idea in my head that running would become easier as I became lighter. I envisioned that I would wake up one day and say "Let's go run 5 miles!" and it would be as easy as it is to breathe. Well that isn't the case. Is it easier than it was this time last year? Absolutely! Is it still challenging? Yes, and it may always be that way. May be that's why I love running so much. It challenges my body and pushes me in a way that not everything can. And though I have moments like I did this week, where I hated it, I have others where I finish a run and I think to myself...Look at what you just did. I walk away amazed and thankful that I GET to run.


As there are many triumphs that come with this journey, there are also set backs, unfortunately. These are the set backs that make what I have been doing for the last 20 months so hard and often cause me to doubt my abilities and loose the belief that I can do this. Losing weight isn't a piece of cake. There isn't a magic pill to take or a perfect shake to drink. If there was, obesity wouldn't be a problem in this world and the weight loss industry would be bankrupt. It's hard and each day has its challenges, but deep down there is always the "Why am I doing what I am doing?" and I keep trying to remind myself of what that is.  There is aways a "Why?" for everything we do in our lives, but I think in order to continue fighting for what we truly want we have to dig deeper than the initial "Why?". Why do you want to loose weight? Most often the response given is "I want to be thin" or " I want to be healthier".  But then we should ask ourselves, "Why do you want to be thin or healthy?". The final response that we get after asking "Why?" to each answer is what will drive us to be successful and not quit. 


This week as been one of those times that I have had those setbacks. It has been a rough and emotional week. I have had a lot of negative talk with myself, doubting constantly that I will make it to my goal and that running this half marathon is really realistic. I gained 4.4 lbs this week. Not one of my finest moments. I get mad at myself, and of course, at the scale as if it did this to me. Training this week has also been hard. I have not had the best attitude. Dreading having to run the miles, feel the burn in my thighs and listen to the voice in my head tell me that I can't do it. I am a perfectionist at heart and have always felt that if you follow the rules the good things will come to you. I still believe that the good things will come but I have to remember that they will not always come in my time frame. Its moments like these, I need to remember what is driving me to be successful and that there are many people that are supporting me along my way.


I have mentioned before that trying to loose weight is nothing new to me but trying to meet a weight loss goal, as well as train for a half marathon at the same time is new. Though these are two very good goals to have, they don't really make the best pair.  They are almost causing a fight against each other when it comes to my body. I knew training for the half would be challenging to my weight loss because of the massive overhaul I am doing to my body. I knew this because this is what my trainers were telling me but unfortunately my stubborn brain wouldn't take it in. It is the likelihood that my weight will go up and down. That is exactly what it did. Thursday I gained the 4.4 pounds that started to send me over the edge and then 2 days later I loose 2.1. It's crazy. But that's the reality of the situation.  I guess you could say I am on the stretch of the journey where the road has a bunch of up and down hills. The kind that make your stomach turn every once in awhile!

I ended my week much better than it started, making peace with my weight and completing my dreaded long run of 6 miles, saying "That wasn't that bad!" I carry with me this week something told to me by a good friend to help me make it a smoother ride..."This is your journey, with the hills, rocky roads and all. God is by your side waiting for you to ask for help navigating to success."